Mad Moments
by TestifyGenius
Summary: He missed her. Hatter/First Alice. Had to repost, trying to fix a few things. Hopefully this works.


Disclaimer: I own nothing.

**Rating**: Teen. Bit of swearing.  
**Spoilers**: For both parts.  
**Summary**: He missed her. Hatter/ The First Alice

_"Trust me I know a thing or two about liking people. And in time, after much chocolate and cream cake, like turns to what's his name again? "_

- That's a lie, he never forgot, he could drown himself in chocolate and cream puffs and still remember every little detail of the little lost girl that one day wandered into his tea party as well as his heart.

The Hatter looked at his blue fizzy drinking, watching with lidded eyes as one by one the bubbles popped away. Blue had always been his favorite color. It reminded him of a girl, with long blond hair and blue eyes.

_"She came and bought down the whole house of cards."_

Not only that, but stole away a heart of a younger, more madder hatter. Mad because he was young, stupid and fool for thinking he could never get caught. That he was charming enough to get out of any situation without getting hurt.

_" Made quiet an impression"_

He'd never forget her, ever. No matter how much he drank, even emotions of peace and calm faded with time and soon he remember what she was like. He nearly very close to being enraged when Ratty told him the tall, brown-coated woman was Alice. The Legendary Alice. _His _Alice.

- because she wasn't.

His Alice was smaller, thinner, and curious to boot. His Alice was blonde and blue eyed, soft and gentle. His Alice, was nothing but a mere slip of a girl.

In fact the only things they had in common besides name and gender were that they had both been incredible rude. Which he only realized after she pissed him off, here he was, trying to help her and she blew him off! Glaring at him as though he just stole her hat or something ! - Very similar to the glare his Alice gave when she called him mad.

_" Jack is a lucky guy. "_

It slips between his lips before he can stop himself. It was in the madness of the moment really, shadows casting themselves on her face, it's not her; it's the emotion in her eyes that has his heart in a tight, painful grip. Hopelessness. It's a distorted mirror image of the one his Alice had when she was thinking of home. That's what makes him say it out loud, he's jealous that Alice could want to look so hard for a man she only _really liked_ - that he was pretty sure his Alice never thought of him like that. It hurts, that Jack could be so lucky and not even know it.

_" Where's Alice?"_

A question he's asked himself a million times before, probably long before the Alice that is currently lost was born; he's asked it in a million different tones, sad and angry being the primary ones. He's sees the purple coat he gave her and feels his eyes narrow. Reminding him bitterly of how much he gave to _his_ Alice.- and how she like her brunette namesake, left it there. _Left him._

_" I have a thing about flying!"_

_" Yeah, well I've got a thing 'bout bullets!"_

His heart is racing and he feels like he's sweating_ bullets_, only moments ago he had taken his rage of abandonment out on the security guard now with that fuel gone all that was left in it's place was fear. He was going to get caught, _They _were going to get caught. He knew he wasn't lucky enough to live through this, he panics and wonders just _why_ the hell he's doing this. Telling this woman named Alice to jump on, coxing her to trust him.

_I miss her._

He misses his old Alice, with blonde hair and sad blue eyes. The one who long ago asked for his help, and to whom he was too scared to answer her plea.

_Guilt._

He wants to help her now, to make up for what he did. It's probably not enough, he thinks as they cross the sky at what feels like face re-arranging miles per hour. Pretty sure most of his organs are still at the roof top.

_But it's a start._

That's what he thinks until that awful clogging sounds starts and their bird starts to plummet towards the earth because now all he can think of is that this is the end, he's going to die. Thankful that his organs are left miles away because if they were here, with him ( probably all crowded in his throat at this point ) it would just be horribly messy.

Then, just as he hits the water, that oh-so-blue like _her_ eyes, he shuts his own, and whispers.

_" Sorry Alice.."_

_" You still don't trust me? "_

It comes out a question, but really it should be more of statement at this point. Anger and wet to the bone, she doesn't even look at him. Simply demanding to know why he risked his neck. He doesn't dare to even begin to tell the real reasons, his guilt and unrequited love of the Alice of old, because it's pathetic and mad; and he's tired to being called mad. Tired of trying to change things and having absolutely no results.

_" He's lying."_

- He says it because it's what he should have told _his_ Alice. Long ago when she was being chased, and of course tricked every which way. That's what Wonderland _is_, one big trick. What is a trick but a lie? An illusion, magic or a clever ruse. It's easy to see that _Jack _isn't telling the truth, he's the bloody prince of the place! Hatter watches as her once hopeful gaze storms over with fury. Fury at him for what? Telling the truth. It figures. As she yells about her father and Jack, and his engagement, she still looks to him half displeased and half annoyed.

As though he should be al giddy like a petal on a bright summers day that Jack gave her a watch. He tries to make her stop, think and figure it out, but just as with _his_ Alice, something distracts her and she's off.

_" It sounds to me like he's using 'ya."_

_" -And you're not?"_

It hurts, just a little. - Because he is using her. Using her to pay back his debt to his Alice. He flounders for a moment, unsure what to say. Knowing that the answer of yes, isn't what she wants to hear. So he jumbles on about Wonderland's survivors, whom now are probably hunting for his guts right now, but he doesn't dare mention that. Quickly he forms a plan ( that's sure to fail at best ) and prays that she'll trust him. Trust him like Alice once did long ago. Trust him to _help._

_" I have to try. Before today I've lived my life playin' both sides of the court. It's the only way I could stay alive ."_

- he pleads to her, to make her understand. But it's not he's not looking at the Alice of the present, he's begging the one with blond hair to forgive, to understand. He's transported back in time, no longer telling Alice a story, but going back and changing it. He wants to change, he does. Wants to change for her, for Alice.

_" Those days are over."_

_" What happens if I get stuck here?"_

_" Then I'll make sure you're okay."_

It's what promises that he wished he could have kept to the previous Alice. Thinking of their final moments, their last tea party where she giggled about his overly large hat, and he told her happy un-birthday. He finds himself staring into the blue eyes of the woman in front of him, slowly her eyes turn lighter, her hair turns bright as gold and her face changes completely into the girl he loved. Before he knows what he's doing he leans in to kiss her, but then stops. His Alice is gone.

_" I'll be fine."_

It's a lie and he's pretty sure they both know it. This Alice isn't nearly as easily fooled as the last; but he keeps his eyes wide and focused on her. Even though every cell in his worn body is telling him it's a trap, what can he do? She doesn't really trust him, and he thinks this is karma. That this is probably how his Alice felt when he ran out of the court room with out her all those years ago, without even a glance back. Betrayed. Unable to do anything to stop him. He feels his eyes watery at the memory because he also feels that his Alice wouldn't be like him, wouldn't be such a coward as he is now and just give up. She probably waited for him to come back up until the last second. He blinks and turns, heart breaking all over again. All this second chance has done is re-open his wounds and poured in the salt, making him face his mistakes. All it's done is propped up a mirror, showing just how much of a coward he really is. He couldn't help the first Alice and he can't save the second.

_" She's in safe hands now."_ - mostly because she's now out of his.

_" ...There's crumbs in the butter..."_

He's been under torture of the ugly twins for what feels like days now. He's lost what little sanity he had left, found it and then lost it again. He feels his cuts burn, and head pound. Wishing that if even one of the twins stepped closer, out of their taunting ring that he would rip them to shreds with just his bare teeth.

" Oh look what you've done Hatter."

" Sent another little girl into our lair!"

" Naughty, Naughty." They end together and Hatter doesn't say a word, but even as he braces his shoulders for the shock that he knows is coming, something dark and feral is whipping inside him. He feeds on it, it makes him numb to them. He's going to do something this time, he's going to save her. He's not running this time. One twin punches him, but the Hatter remains still as stone, he's got a purpose and their little game is only wasting his time, and that's only succeeding in pissing him off.

Then that bastard walks in, that dead _rabbit-fucker._

He asks a question, but it's only the voice to send Hatter whirling back into memories, Alice being towed away, Alice being taken and placed on the stand. All by _him._

He feels something break inside, perhaps his mind, or his heart. Either way the next moments flow past him in quick seconds. All he can see is Alice screaming in pain, her baby-blue eyes watering up and calling his name - but he feels himself stand up, knows that the Rabbit is beyond surprised as he fights back, he puts all his hate, self-loathing and guilt; his love for a girl long-gone, and his heartbreak all into one punch - and feels the Rabbit-bastard crumble beneath his fist.

_That was for you Alice..._

_" Do you trust me now?"_

_" Completely."_

He feels like whipped cream, bruised like an unwanted lumpy banana, but when she hugged him, he felt it. Forgiveness.

He fires.

One shot for the all of the oysters who have come and gone at this man's filthy hands.

One shot for all the people of wonderland addicted to emotion because of this bastard.

One shot for man on the bleeding on the floor.

One shot for the woman that holds him, his long lost daughter whom he just remembered.

The last bullet is for himself, the one that he deserves for betraying the girl that he loved. All because he couldn't do what he's doing now, what he should have done then.

From the corner of his mocha-colored eyes, he sees Alice jerk with each fire, but he feels no guilt. It had to be done, should have been done a long time ago. He's only sorry he didn't do it sooner.

_" I'm sorry." _

_" Good Bye." _

He says to both the past and present. He watches sadly as this present day Alice is escorted back to her world beyond the looking glass. Another Alice lost to the world he's only ever heard about. It takes him but a split second to decide, he wants to find out what makes it so special and before anyone can stop him, he's taking a deep breath and jumping into the unknown future.

Please Reviw~!


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